LESSON FOUR: Make sure your parents have a person appointed to make financial decisions and health-care decisions for them should they be required. Make sure that they appoint the right person for the right task. A son who is an MD would be good for health-care decisions, but is he too busy to sit by their bedside? Pick someone else who has the time to sit. They can always call Dr. Son who can advise them by phone. With a widow or widower, making plans or changing estate plans is crucial. Make certain that your mom or dad's plans have been updated to reflect the loss of a spouse. And do it quickly. Some spouses don't last too long after they have lost a loved one.

Joe made the decision the day after Jane's death to give away all of Jane's belongings. My wife said that he was angry that she had died and abandoned him and this was his way of showing his anger. In any case, all of her clothes, even her bed, were in the pile to be given away. Joe's daughter was there, and she and my wife went through everything to either keep or give away. They got along well, but not every family is so lucky.

LESSON FIVE: A situation like this could have led to disaster if there was any hostility between the step kids. Ask your parents if they want to cause trouble. If they want to cause friction and drive a wedge between you and your step-parent, all they have to do is nothing. Chances are that upon the first death, the kids and step kids will fight over trivial things and end up hating each other. On the other hand, if your parents want to smooth over issues that could cause problems, deal with their stuff while they still can. Who for example should get the jewelry and the clothes and the shoes and the books and other items of sentimental value? It doesn't have to be in a will, but it does need to be written down.

(From Elder Law Alabama)