The eighth and final station of late life (or Grieving/Legacy) requires emotional work and time to accomplish. Grieving for a loved one’s death takes place over a longer period of time. Different family members have different emotional needs during the process of moving on.
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“A good death for our parents means a better life for us.”
– Dennis McCullough
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Passing the Generational Baton
For family members and friends involved in an elder’s care, grieving began a long time before the death. Watching a downhill spiral, in some ways, softens grief. Relief and gratitude can accompany grief, knowing that a loved one has been delivered from debilitation and suffering. If this is the death of a second parent, we are forced to confront our own mortality and life cycle.
Acknowledging Your Support System
As you look back, be appreciative of those who offered their help. There is a need to bring a formal end to the “temporary family” who gathered to provide caregiving. Acknowledging one another’s contributions helps each member move on in their lives. Say your thanks for the service of others.
Returning to Our Lives
After the death of a loved one, the pressure to return quickly to our lives is present. Resuming regular routines is difficult after an extended time of caregiving. Finding your own ways to grieve may include creating your own personal rituals, connecting with your religious community, or leaning on close friends.
Maintaining Communication
During the time of caregiving, you built the skills needed to talk with family members and others about your loved one’s care. Communication often turns inward for mourners. Respect the importance of these “internal talks” until you’re ready to share your emotions. Remember that you are modeling grief, celebration of a life, and strength for your children and grandchildren who have less experience with loss.
Accepting Kindness
Along with saying thanks, allow yourself to accept extensions of kindness. Friends often risk treading into uncertain territory to reach out. Don’t travel down the easy road of slipping out of friends’ lives. This is especially important for your widowed mother or father.
Late life journeys are unpredictable to the very end. The daily practice of caring for an elder’s needs increases our capacity for compassion. The human experience of death reorders priorities. Allow these changes to enrich your own life and relationships.