Only 1 in 10 elders pass away in their sleep. More often, elders experience more complicated declines caused by strokes, cancer, or dementia. Despite the care and persistence you’ve used in the previous four stations of Late Life, an inevitable shift occurs.

During this time, also known as the Station of Decline, an elder goes from “disability-free” to “disability-burdened.” Author Dennis McCullough predicts in his book, “My Mother, Your Mother,” that an 80 year old elder will experience 7 ½ years disability-free followed by 2 ½ years of being disability-burdened.

As this happens, an elder will struggle with a loss of identity and loss of personal dignity. Seeing this causes Baby Boomers to begin wondering how they will be cared for when they grow old. McCullough believes that what children of aging parents do now establishes a pattern of commitment and provides examples for their own children.

Focus on Quality of Life
Is the surgery or therapy more taxing than doing nothing? Deciding where the greatest quality of life resides can be uncertain.

Be a Good Listener
Elders can experience “lows.” Try to discuss an elder’s feelings. Expressing what an elder is feeling can be therapeutic – for both parent and child.

Everyone Counts
Caregiver strain is inevitable. Stress can be offset by a fresh set of hands or community support groups.

Use Care Managers
Supplement your care by hiring a care manager to oversee your elder parent’s care. Experienced care managers know the medical system and are advocates for elders.

Make Adapting a Goal
In this period of decline, adapting is a primary goal. Both elders and caregivers must respond to anxiety, feelings of helplessness, anger, stress, or the temptation to avoid the situation.

Avoid Overmedication
Discuss the pros and cons of each medication with the elder’s doctor. Too many drugs, prescribed and over-the-counter, can increase the risk of falls. Geriatricians often reduce or eliminate medications for trial periods during a time of decline.

Listen for Life Review
Memories and life stories are fleeting. Recognize when your parent is telling their narrative (or life review) and be thankful for the experience.