Don’t take it personally.
Illnesses such as stroke and Alzheimer’s disease can cause upsetting personality changes. At first, most people think those diagnosed are angry at them but come to realize it is part of physiological changes and an anger at the situation in general.

It’s easy to over-share.
Online “care pages” at sites like caringbridge.org make it simple to update friends and distant family on a loved one’s condition, but you can find yourself getting into details your loved one might prefer to keep private. You can set up different e-mail groups on these pages if you want some messages to go only to caregivers.

Love goes through changes.
If a parent with dementia no longer acts like the person you knew, your feelings are likely to change. This can actually help you cope. Adult children can let go of their parents in small increments as they slowly disappear. The distance acts as a method of self-preservation.

Divvy up the work.
If you’re a hands-on caregiver, your distant siblings can find lots of ways to chip in – especially if you ask. You can also hire a geriatric care manager who will handle a multitude of responsibilities and make the aging process easier on everyone.

By Camille Peri, Reader’s Digest (Dec09/Jan10 issue)